We Are All Subscribing to this New Disney Thing – Do Not Read Until Monday+
SPOILER ALERT: Mickey takes the Iron Throne. Do Not Read Until Monday.
Let’s Face It: We Are All Subscribing To Disney+
After months of anticipation, followed by about 4.7 seconds of internal debate, it has been decided: We’re all subscribing to Disney+.
The media behemoth otherwise known as the House of Mouse – though it’s also the House of Skywalker, Marvel, Pixar, and more – has not been quiet about its intentions, but we spent the past months of rumors pretending we would need more information to decide if another streaming service would be worth it.
Then, Disney completed its deal for 20th-Century Fox, wresting control from an aging plutocrat and acquiring X-Men, Fantastic Four (thank God), Alien, Avatar, The Simpsons… yippee-kai-yayying Die Hard even.
So here’s how much will debit from your account each month: $7. Seven. Frickin. Dollars. And what will that significantly-cheaper-than-all-direct-competitors price point get you?
Ten original films in the first 12 months, plus 25 series. Falcon and Winter Soldier? Check. Scarlet Witch and Vision? Yep. A series focused on Boba Fett’s successor from the director of Iron Man? Why the hell not. What If…? WTF.
Granted I’m skewing toward comic geekery here, but how about every Disney film ever? Or Pixar spin-offs? Or how about a decade of quality Simpsons episodes and 20 years of chaff on demand? Or a National Geographic Jeff Goldblum show?
It’s also quite likely it will bundle with other streaming services it controls – Hulu, looking at you.
So that settles it: We’re all getting this, and we won’t grumble when they undoubtedly jack up the price once certain rivals are vanquished or absorbed.
Odds + The End
- Uber is going to make sick money on its IPO, but literally loses billions annually. Capitalism is weird.
- A bill in the House wants to hold platforms accountable for algorithm bias, and senators have proposed legislation about ‘dark pattern design’.
- The live stream of the government’s hearing on hate crimes got overrun by – sigh – hate speech.
- And Ted Cruz has a beard now, which somehow makes him even creepier.
- I didn’t even think that was possible.
- He’s like, cold-chill-up-your-back creepy now.
- LinkedIn is getting Facebook-style reactions. But, you know, businessy-er.
- The platform also apparently has a similar, Facebook-style feature: Fake accounts.
- Either that, or The Rock is semi-literate / having an identity crisis:
- And John Cena worked at Goodwill and is old af.
- This Week In Mad Lib Headlines: “Apple snags Prince Harry to work with Oprah on mental health show for TV Plus.”
- Logan Paul earned some good karma on his Flat Earth expose, and now he might blow it all on interviewing Alex Jones on YouTube.
- Surprise! A bunch of randos watched your Instagram Stories.
- Seriously, I haven’t seen that much Cyrillic since I partied out in Brighton Beach.
- Twitter’s beta app launched a few experimental features, such as swipe-to-like.
- Jack Dorsey had a $1.40 salary from Twitter in 2018 – here’s hoping he can get up to $2.80 this year.
- And, speaking of swipes, Tinder replaced Netflix as the top-grossing non-game mobile app.
- AI is the way of the future, so naturally we’re teaching it really important things, like to predict the end of Game of Thrones, and play Frogger.
- Oh yeah, and to make Jordan Peterson rap “Lose Yourself”.
- Challenge: Listen to more than 10 seconds without your ears falling off.
- Weekly Elon Musk social approval rate: 80%.
- Snap redesigned its Android app.
- Spotify debuted a bunch of new metrics to its ad studio.
- Incoming college students are creating “Class accounts” to pre-network with classmates.
- And probably unwittingly staying within their comfort zone, which breaking out of was once a key component of higher education
- YouTube is streaming Coachella, but Beyonce’s Coachella documentary will land on Netflix.
- Childish Gambino debuted a new Amazon-produced film (co-starring Rihanna) at Coachella, but don’t mix that up with his immersive Pixel 3 experience, also at Coachella.
- Extree! Extree! Alexa will now provide longer-form news updates.
- Deactivated your Facebook? That’s fine. They are still tracking you.
- There’s a new record holder for most-viewed video debut on YouTube … thank u, next indeed.
- April 12, 2019